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FREE POLITICAL JOKES
The owner of this web site, Keith Shirey, has, in part, earned his daily bread by writing political jokes. Motivated by his certitude that the political commentaries of Jay Leno, Bill Mahr, and George Carlin are too tame he offers the following.
3/4/07
Some people are stunned that the Bush Administration is going behind congressıs back in Iraq by supporting terrorist groups that are involved with the same people that did 9/11. I donıt know why people are so astounded by this. Wouldnıt they do what Bush did - go behind Congressıs backs if they were doing the same disgraceful thing?
The military is so desperate for recruits that itıs signing up single moms
to fight in Iraq. Already there are more than 16,000 over there. Somebody
ought to sue the Pentagon for terrorizing American children.
3/3/07 jokes
Some Evengelicals are drawing fire from the Christian Right for focusing on the dangers of global warming and thus shifting emphasis away from the great moral issues of our time like at what age oneıs daughter should be fitted with a chastity belt and how to properly stone a homosexual.
On this topic of the Christian Right attacking some Evangelicals for Christian Right for their focus on climate change instead of moral issues: Evidently the Christian Right thinks that the potential extermination of the human species is not a moral issue to God.
3/1/07
A report in the paper today reads, "Thanks to U.S. immigration policy, infants and toddlers whose parents are in immigration courts, are being locked up at detention centers." The story doesn't say at what age the tiny children are issued prison uniforms.
2/26/07
The God of the Old Testament has changed, and not for the better. I know this because He no longer inflicts evildoers with boils, plagues, and incurable diseases. That God would have inflicted genital herpes and syphilis on all of the parents who won't vaccinate their daughters against cervical cancer and vaginal warts.
I read in the paper this morning that, despite his making dumb statements, Dick Cheney still has "gravitas." Yeah, right - if by gravitas they mean an accumulation of fat cells that enlarge the brain.
2/25/07
Studies show that 1 in 20 Americans has an anti-social personality disorder.
However, these studies do not explain why most of them end up in Washington
D.C.
2/24/07
Dick Cheney is is the engineer on run away freight train called the "Foreign Policy Express." What's really troublesome however is that the locomotive doesn't have a "dead man's" switch.
2/23/07
Even George Bush's severest critics admire him for his sincere worship of a Supreme Being. I have another take on this. I think America would be better off if he converted to a religion where he no longer believes he's God.
The Bush administration has reconfigured the American Eagle's face to look like Rodney Dangerfield's.
On the issue of what to do about poor people in America the Republicans say that all options are on the table. Right. They can drink the cool aid out of red, yellow, or green cups.
Concerning what's going on in Washington these days, don't let the conflicts between the CIA and the White House, the Defense Department versus State, and the battle between the Office of the Vice President and The Office of the President fool you - what we're watching is a catastrophic trainwreck.
After careful examination of the Bush Administration I've concluded that it does not have clear policies, but competing political impulses - like narcissism, necrophilia, and delusional madness.
12/21/07
After extensively researching the subject, I've concluded that Mega Church evangelical pastors personally manifest America's most sacred value: cash accumulation.
People say they are concerned about how the military is lowering its standards to increase recruitment. The complaint is that the army is letting in the criminal element. But I have to ask, who should be better to turn into trained killers than those who have already displayed anti social tendencies. Honestly, I just don't see the problem!
People in America are appalled that we couldn't be more successful with providing the Iraqis with water, electricity and sewage. This concern is coming from a people who experience spectacular blackouts, collapsing roads, sinkholes that swallow repair trucks, an aging wastewater system, and who canıt rebuild New Orleans!
12/20/07
This doctor decided to examine George Bushıs brain. But she had to give up. She couldnıt find medical instruments that small.
Concerning George Bushıs foreign policy: What he lacked in foresight he made up for by saying, "Mission Accomplished."
A guy gets attacked in shark infested waters. Hey, who could have seen that coming? The U.S. removes the guy who used intimidaton and terror to hold a country together made up of people who detest one another, donıt replace this guy with another like him and civil war breaks out. Hey, who could have seen that coming? The U.S. pulls out troops from outposts in Iraq to help the Bush surge in Bagdad. Iraqi insurgents attack the lightly defended outposts. But why blame Bush? Who could have seen that coming?
12/19/07
I was reading in the paper this morning that there are no treacherous, deadly warriors in hunter gatherer societies, that these bloodthirsty types donıt appear until states with rulers and a religious priesthood evolve. Maybe, after all, there is something to be said for the theory that there won't be peace on earth until the last priest is strangled on the guts of the last politician.
12/18/07
Bush's advisors told George it was a good thing to invade and occupy Iraq. They forgot to mention that the people who live there have an unusual sense of what constitutes leisure time activities, like turn themselves into human bombs.
12/17/07
Itıs true that George Bush wants to spread his values around the world. But heıs having trouble finding a big enough manure spreader.
Donald Rumsfeld had to give up his job due to illness. This is true. The American People got sick of him.
12/16/07
Scientists have found the gene that makes George Bush act the way he does. They found it after crossing a Hyena with a Jack Ass. However, these scientists are mystified when it comes to determining the cause of Dick Cheney's behavioral patterns. The problem is that they donıt know how to extract genes from pond scum.
10/22/07
The terrorists have a new weapon. It destroys both the economy and the constitution of our country. It's called the Bush administration.
Deplorable living conditions in which veterans live at Walter Reed Hospital, have been exposed by the Washington post. In response to questions, a hospital spokesperson said that he was very concerned about the treatment of soldiers there, particularly those who manifested brain injury. When pressed to give details, he said that, of course, he was referring to the military brass in charge there.
The Washington Post has exposed problems at the Walter Reed Medical Center who are in charge of attending to the needs of wounded Iraqi veterans. There are problems there as rodent and vermin infestation. However, a spokesman for Walter Reed stated that the quality of medical care there has never been in doubt. That's true. Soldiers there bitten by rats there have been treated promptly.
With the announcement that the Brits are again drawing down their troops in Iraq, thus joining Spain, Italy, Denmark, South Korea and others in the exit, Secretary of State Rice has offered an optimistic appraisal. She said that "The coalition remains intact." There is a rumor, yet unreported in the mainstream media, that she also believes that the Titanic is still sailing the North Atlantic.
With the announcement that the Brits are again drawing down their troops in Iraq, thus joining Spain, Italy, Denmark, South Korea and others in the exit, Secretary of State Rice has offered an optimistic appraisal. She said that "The coalition remains intact." There is a rumor, yet unreported in the mainstream media, that she also believes that the Titanic is still
sailing the North Atlantic.
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